this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
