Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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