Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
