So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
