I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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