Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
