Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
