Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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