Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
