Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
