so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
