forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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