"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Randomize
