then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
