i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
