Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
