just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
