How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
