Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
