The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We're too hungover to prance.
We are all done wearing pants today
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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