Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
