my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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