she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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