Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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