I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
