There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
