Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
