No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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