Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
