as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize