I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
love makes seman taste better
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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