btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
