id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
