In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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