my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
