WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
