Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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