also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm at about main and main street
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
