My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
