Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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