you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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