I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
