:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
