Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
