So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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