haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
