can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
