How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
