I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
