All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
