i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
