Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
