Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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