ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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