I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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