don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
