i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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