i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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