no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
