8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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