We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
