I heard we made out
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
