peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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