When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
