I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
