just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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