i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize