Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
